Let’s Talk about Gender
Introduction:
Frankie is vivacious, opinionated, confident. Short, round, and larger-than-life, they have a personality that fills up any room. Frankie is loudly queer, in both sexuality and gender. Frankie was the first gender queer person I met, either in real life or in literature. Sadly, Frankie didn’t see any gender queer people in their books either, much less children’s books. Thus, the journey to becoming this proud, unapologetically queer person I know them as was fraught with uncertainty, confusion, and misunderstanding. Indeed, they didn’t know that non-binary was an option until high school. Further, they called it a “damn shame” that there wasn’t more gender-queer representation in their childhood media (F. Nuckolls, personal communication March 26, 2020) They remarked, “I had questions about my gender from a young age, but I didn’t have the language to process those feelings” (F. Nuckolls, personal communication March 26, 2020). They literally didn’t have the words to frame what they were feeling; you can’t think what you don’t know, but that doesn’t mean that you aren’t feeling it. They remember a favorite manga that they read as a child called Ranma 1/2 where the main character switched gender based on whether they were splashed with hot or cold water. But though they remember being “jealous” of that power, they “didn’t really investigate those feelings until well after [they] came out” (F. Nuckolls, personal communication March 26, 2020). Frankie, reading those books, didn’t have the vocabulary to express their gender identity.
Gender-diverse picture books can provide that introduction that Frankie feels they lacked. Exposing children to different experiences of normal can help them articulate their own feelings or expand their worldview to include children different from themselves (Aronson et al 2017). This essay hopes to introduce and complicate the subject of gender identity for children through a series of three picture books that each take a different angle on gender non-conformity. I present Aidan Becomes a Brother by Kyle Lukoff as an excellent example of a well-done trans story that can introduce a relatable trans character. Next, I detail an informative book explaining gender in an accessible and inclusive way, Who are You? A Kid’s Guide to Gender by Brooke Pessin-Whedbee. This builds vocabulary that kids need to think about their own gender identities. Finally, I use From the Stars in the Sky to the Fish in the Sea by Kai Cheng Thom and Kai Yun Ching as a way to help kids imagine complete gender freedom in a fantastical setting.
Literature Review:
Gender has always been present in children’s literature. From the early 1900s’ emphasis on the “boy adventurer” and “girl housewife-to-be” to modern representations of “sporty boys” and “girly-girls” (Hateley 2011). Especially for picture books, we tend to rely on stereotypes to quickly visually get our point across. Girls have long hair, wear pink, wear dresses, etc while boys have short hair, wear pants, etc. Picture books—along with other media sources and, of course, interactions at school and at home—reinforce gender normativity by telling only certain kinds of stories about boys and other kinds about girls and depicting these characters in only a few ways. From this, kids learn what gender expressions are acceptable and shapes their “understandings of themselves as the occupants and the bearers of gendered identities” (Hateley 2011).
Moreover, as Capuzza (2019) points out, normativity can be more insidious than that as even books that claim to break gender norms or feature gender-queer characters can confirm gender stereotypes. Indeed, she posits, “Most stories do more to reduce the anxiety of cisgender people than support transgender children by challenging deeply engrained social assumptions about gender” (Capuzza 2019). Capuzza (2019) examined trans children’s books for their portrayal of “the gender binary, gender essentialism, sex/gender congruency and gender stability.” While the books she reviewed largely avoid gender/sex congruency, they leave little to no room for gender fluid and gender queer children by confirming the gender binary (that male and female are the only genders), gender essentialism (that all boys like trucks and all girls like dresses), and gender stability (once the character has transitioned, they remain in that gender forever). In addition, there is an overwhelming emphasis on the “coming out story” for trans kids. In these stories, gender is conceptualized as fixed and stable categories that the protagonist could choose between and was often linked back to biological sex as characters felt as if they were “in the wrong bodies.” (Capuzza 2019) In my own study of LGBTQ picture books, I also found this single narrative of trans people in 11 of the 14 books with trans characters (Bouchey 2020). This only perpetuates the current narrative of gender without leaving room for gender queer. There were 6 gender queer books that I read, and many gender-bending books. The gender bending books usually depicted a boy who wants to wear dresses and often confirmed gendered clothing norms instead of breaking them (Bouchey 2020). That said, any book can be a teaching tool if properly explained and discussed (Aronson 2020).
We know that it is critical for kids’ identity formation to see themselves represented in books in an authentic way (Aronson et al 2017, Capuzza 2019). For children that belong to the minority depicted, diverse books function as “mirror books” and can build self-esteem and significance in kids and the absence of these books (or books that disseminate a single story or stereotype) can further marginalize minority children (Aronson et al 2017). Another, equally important function of diverse books is as “window books.” Window books give young readers a glimpse of other ways of living and build curiosity and empathy (Aronson et al 2017).
We know that children ages 3-7 are the most racist, sexist, ableist, etc because they absorb the messages from our media, from their own observations of disparities, from all their interactions, and they are deeply concerned with being “normal” (Aronson 2020, Capuzzaa 2019). Therefore, it is important to provide them with minority-inclusive messages that disrupt racist, ableist, sexist, etc thinking. Picture books have the power to show difference in ways young kids can relate to. Enough diverse books can create a new “normal” for kids to use in mapping their world. I think the verb to queer is definitely a valuable tool for challenging norms (Mallan 2011). It gives us a specific framework with which to examine how our books are constructed and what messages they send. Moreover, books that “queer” normative conceptions of gender also give children a new lens with which to look at the world, their peers, and themselves.
Book 1: When Aidan Became a Brother
When Aidan Became a Brother by Kyle Lukoff is an accessible trans story in context of love and family. The plot centers around a black trans boy getting ready for a new baby sibling. The first eight pages are spent explaining Aidan’s transition from girl to boy. Unlike many other trans books, When Aidan Became a Brother is careful to both affirm Aidan’s experience of feeling like he didn’t belong as a girl and acknowledge the range of things a girl can be, noting specifically that while some girls like “science experiments and bug collections” and not all girls like to wear dresses, Aidan felt like “a different kind of boy” (Lukoff 2019). This defies gender essentialism while still supporting a trans experience. The book also notes that while it took time for the family to adjust, they were able to connect to the trans community for support. Mention of a trans community is still quite rare in this literature, unfortunate as children (and their families) benefit greatly from mentors and friends with lived-experience. Further, even very accepting narratives without a trans community risk promoting a narrative of cis-assimilation, rather than trans pride (Capuzza 2019).
Moreover, most of the book focuses not on Aidan’s transgender identity, but rather on Aidan’s preparations for his new sibling. The preparations for the baby were kept carefully gender neutral: mom is having a baby, rather than specify boy or girl and the baby has they/them pronouns. Aidan worries about getting just perfect. Kids with new baby siblings can relate to trying to decide what the baby would like and trying to be the best big sibling they can be. In response to his nerves, Aidan’s mother reminds him that they made mistakes and they helped each other through them with love and support. This refocuses the book on love and acceptance. The author’s note at the end of the book connects what Aidan is feeling to Lucoff’s own experience, other transgender kids, kids that feel a little out of place, kids that worry about making mistakes, kids with siblings, all kids.
This book is a very accessible look at a trans experience, written by a trans author. The story introduces and develops a very relatable trans protagonist without making that trans identity the conflict of the book. It neither focuses entirely on the coming out story, nor accentuates gender essentialism. This is a good book to start with in introducing kids to diverse gender identities, because it does not break the gender binary. Kids already have a normative understanding of the world and a book like this can be fit into that schema, while also making room for further exploration. The book softly introduces the concept of transgender and of they-them pronouns. Therefore, When Aidan Became a Brother is a great narrative to peak kid’s interest in gender identity.
Book 2: Who are You? A Kid’s Guide to Gender
Who are You? A Kid’s Guide to Gender by Brooke Pessin-Whedbee explains terms like cisgender, gender fluid, and gender non-binary in a clear, simple way for kids. This informational book is quite matter-of-fact about explaining the difference between sex and gender. The illustrations show a range of skin-tones and body shapes and clothing preferences. Additionally, there is a guide in the back for more information.
This book builds the necessary vocabulary around gender non-conformity so that kids can begin to process and understand different ways of performing gender. Building vocabulary and applying it to the world is an important emerging literary skill, both for kids that are and aren’t reading proficiently. The book also specifically asks the reader what they like in terms of toys and clothes, in a clear opportunity to start a conversation around gender and gender norms. This is a great follow-up to a narrative book like When Aidan Became a Brother, because it clearly explains concepts that a more narrative book simply uses. Who are You? A Kid’s Guide to Gender helps the reader create a framework with which to understand different gender expressions introduced in other books.
Book 3: From the Stars in the Sky to the Fish in the Sea
From the Stars in the Sky to the Fish in the Sea by Kai Cheng Thom and Kai Yun Ching is an excellent, fantasy gender-queer book. The main character, Miu Lan is always changing: boy-girl, tiger-peacock, porcupine-turtle, star-leaf, butterfly, and many other magical combinations depending on how they are feeling and how they want to present themself. The book makes it clear that Miu Lan’s mother is loving and supportive; true to the lyrical style of the book, Miu Lan’s mother often sings them a song, “whatever you dream of / I believe you can be / from the stars in the sky to the fish in the sea” (Cheng Thom and Yun Ching 2017). Miu Lan is teased and made fun of by the kids at school. In the middle of the story, Miu Lan attempts to be like everyone else, dressing like a boy (except for their trademark red mary-jane shoes) and playing baseball, but are teased again when they try to switch to hopscotch with some girls. They yell, “I can’t decide what to be! Why do I have to be just one thing?” (Cheng Thom and Yun Ching 2017). With the support of their mom, they are finally brave enough to just be themself. The last illustrations show Miu Lan teaching the other kids how to grow fur or wings or tails in a celebration of the right to be whatever you want to be. The fantasy element takes the idea of gender presentation a step further as Miu Lan changes their whole body into different animals. This book has strong themes of maternal love and gender (and species) fluidity.
It is rare to find a book that emphasizes gender fluidity. This book rejects all the problematic tropes of trans books: gender essentialism, the gender binary, and gender stability. Miu Lan exists outside the gender binary, they have interests that span species and gender essentialism. Even the illustrations reinforce this by always showing Miu Lan’s short hair and red mary-janes. This is one of the few books that explores gender as fluid and mutable. This book invites kids to imagine gender expression as a reflection of a current internal state, rather than a law of the universe. In addition, this book’s unquestioned use of they/them pronouns reinforces the lessons from Who are You? A Kid’s Guide to Gender. This book further expands on the other two books and offers examples of different gender expression.
Conclusion
These three books provide an interesting, but my no means comprehensive, introduction to gender identity. I list them in this order (When Aidan Became a Brother, Who are You? A Kid’s Guide to Gender, then From the Stars in the Sky to the Fish in the Sea) so as to first pique the child’s interest in non-binary gender with a relatable, accessible human protagonist. Then, with Who are You? A Kid’s Guide to Gender, the child can build vocabulary, and more concrete understanding of the concepts surrounding gender—trans vs cisgender, new pronouns, the difference between sex and gender. Lastly, From the Stars in the Sky to the Fish in the Sea releases concept of gender to play in the imagination in fantastical forms. Each of these books on its own addresses a different corner of gender and gender identity. Thus, together they can give kids like Frankie an opportunity to see options for gender diversity and acquire the vocabulary necessary to build their own identities. Further, cisgender children can use the same images and vocabulary to understand their classmates.
Bibliography:
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